I drove my car off a cliff. On purpose. I wanted to die, and I should have died. But I didn’t.
I wanted off the merry-go-round I’d been riding my whole adult life. The fighting. In and out of jail. Marriages and divorces. Periods of sobriety, followed by longer periods of drugs and alcohol. I tried to jump off that merry-go-round many times, but I couldn’t do it. So I tried to drive off. But God had other plans.
I came to Springs Rescue Mission to figure out what those plans are. But first, I had to understand why I was so miserable. It goes back to my childhood. My mother had issues and gave me up to my grandfather. My real father didn’t want anything to do with me. When I was 12, my mother took me back, but I lost my grandfather.
I felt abandoned, worthless, and unloved, feelings I didn’t have to deal with when I drinking or high on meth and heroin. No matter how bad I felt, drugs and alcohol gave me a peace inside, even if it was only for a minute. But as my addictions got worse, my life grew more and more out of control. I lost two marriages and my kids. I lost jobs. I lost everything, and I ended up homeless, living under a bridge.
So I tried to drive my car off that cliff. But it slid about 10 feet and just stopped. God wouldn’t let go any farther.
After I came to Springs Rescue Mission and finally understood what was wrong with me, I opened myself up to God completely. He showed me that when others abandoned me, He never did. When others thought I was worthless, He showed me I’m worth everything. And now His love is filling all the unloved places in my heart.
I know that’s true, because he reminds me every day through all the guys here with me at Springs Rescue Mission. I have a family, a real family, for the first time.
I spent years trying to get off the merry-go-round. I couldn’t do it. But God could.